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March 9, 2018
We do not sell solarity tickets

It’s no secret to us that our fellow students often describe our jobs at the Wilder Info Desk as “sitting and looking pretty”, but little do they know what really goes down on the other side of our laminated countertops. Now that the building has been renovated and the wooden curtain removed, we are ready to spill our secrets…and maybe some of yours along the way.

Take the ID, swap for a key, rinse and repeat. Right? WRONG (just kidding the patron is never wrong. I’d like to apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused

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March 9, 2018
Hey Sis! Two Brown Quee(n/r)s Acting Up

How to meet new people? Grindr is a great scene, honestly the best way of meeting new people. There are so many faceless people that ask “swap pics?”, its wonderful. Jazz forum has really worked for me, hit up the Cat n the Cream for the “best type of men”. Also, the Grape contributors meetings I hear are AMAZING for meeting new people– honestly, they’re life changing (and every other week on Sundays at 3PM in Wilder). I am having a bit of difficulty with this answer because I am such a social person, I just be like “h

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March 9, 2018
Thinking Outside the Box

As President Ambar made clear to students at her talk on February 28th, the college is facing a dire financial situation that is going to require tough decisions to be made. She challenged the audience to “think about what the possibilities are” and said that “while there are challenges, there are also opportunities”. Well, President Ambar, I’ve got just the solutions you and the Board of Trustees have been searching for:

  • For every STEM class, just use Khan Academy instead of professors.

  • Turn the football fi

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March 9, 2018
Demands Organizing Rights

Tappan Square—College-staff relations got a bit nutty Saturday, as a group of squirrels arranged in the shape of a pentagram demanded that Oberlin College recognize them as a professional association.

Speaking through their representative, the academy award-winning actor Matthew Broderick, the group of 5 fox squirrels (scientifically known as sciurus niger) told passerby that they considered themselves a “benevolent cult” who have for decades influenced events at the College, ranging from tuition increases to the creation of

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March 9, 2018
A Dip in Cracker Lake: POC and their Hook-Ups with yt People

“Happy New Year!” he shouted. At least, that’s what I think he said. Much of it is a blur.

I remember arriving at the club. My friends and I were told that Shanghai had some of the best nig…

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March 9, 2018
In Order of How Much Hair He Had

#4

Time: Fall 2017. Hairdo: Preppy Shag

At last! Krislov is gone. Or so I thought. I’m finally settled into my room in Firelands. …

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March 9, 2018
An Inside Scoop on ‘Sco Booking Success

SUPC (Student Union Programming Committee) and Concert Board are bringing an exciting new artist to the Dionysus Discotheque and they want you to know about it. Following up on the success of Paleh…

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March 9, 2018
For the week of February 26 – March 4

Tuesday, February 27th 12:44 pm: Safety and Security officer assisted student who received second-degree burns from Stevenson dining hall plates.

3…

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Feb 23, 2018

In an anticipated series of events, Oberlin Res Ed has approved the construction of an entirely new freshman dorm that includes both a solid gold bathroom and paper towels. “We are always looking f…

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Feb 23, 2018
A Dip in Cracker Lake: POC and their Hook-Ups with yt People

I navigate my life on to do lists. Wake up, eat, sit down, eat, stand up, eat, pass out, eat… you get the picture. What I don’t account for in my life is the effects of alcohol. I recently took a j…

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Feb 23, 2018
Is the nearby Goodwill a fraud?

As we all know, Oberlin students have an ethically-dubious love for thriting, between the far reaches of Volunteers of America to the Walmart-adjacent “Goodwill.” I’m here to shatter the way that y…

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Feb 23, 2018
In Memoriam

Students returning from Winter Term noticed a big change upon their arrival. In an attempt to show that the administration actually caters to student needs, Wilder Hall underwent some minor renovat…

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Feb 23, 2018
This week: Balut Bussy & Cholula Love talk Romance and other Sh*t

ik im a snack but can’t seem to catch any fish here at oberlin :( what can i do?

Not to be shady but honey, let’s make sure to self-reflect and then look at your options be…

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Feb 23, 2018
For the week of February 12 - February 18.

Tuesday, February 13th

12:45 pm: Student lifeguard aided in the rescue of a CDS employee who dozed off while testing a new chocolate fountain. A work order…

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